Women Cause Men to Die Younger
Posted: Thursday, March 09, 2006
by Chuck Dougherty
I am not a relationship expert but I am a man, so the idea that men die younger than women fascinated me. Recent government studies conclusively prove that women are the reason men die younger statistically. Ok that isn't true but I know if they did do a study they would find I am correct Now before you flame me too bad I am not suggesting that all women know they are killing their man, some do, but for those that don't let me explain.
"Woman Questions"
Ok this is the biggest culprit of all since it is used most often so we will get to it first. Let me start by stating and then answering your questions for you so you will have no need to ask them of your man.
Does this make me look fat? This includes any and all variations of this question. The answer is YES! If you have to ask then the answer is always yes. You know when you look good in something and if you look in the mirror and don't like or are unsure of you in an outfit or situation, go with your instincts and change. Most men will never answer truthfully anyway so why shave those years off for no reason cut a brother a break!
My next favorite evil question If I gave you a free pass which one of my friends would you sleep with? This includes the old If I died or who do you think is the prettiest etc.. The answer to this question is most assuredly ALL OF THEM!!! For God's sake we are men and men are pigs, need I say more? We would sleep with any and all of your friends that weren't hideous and even those would have a chance with enough liquor Told ya I am a pig.
Here is another good one. Would you still love me if I gained 400 pounds? And once again all of the variations as well. The answer is it depends on the community property laws in your state hehehe Ok for this one, the truth hurts so let me lose a few years off my life and say of course we would. I am a fitness freak so no matter what age I get to, as long as I am physically able, I will continue to remain in great shape. Remember being over weight is extremely unhealthy!
This one is a toughie, have you "pleasured" yourself since we have been together? Well, let me tell you something, you really don't want to know the answer to this one. Let it drop and we won't ask you about the shower massager
This question is another huge time bomb. If you could change one thing about me what would it be? Now in truth the answer is "the only thing I would change about you dear is the fact that you aren't Jessica Alba, other than that everything is perfect!" but any guy who wants to remain in his current relationship will say "nothing at all my love you are perfect". That lie alone causes a man to lose at least 4 years off his life! Ladies asking questions you really don't want the answer to is rather mean.
Another man killer is, what exactly is it you love about me? and all of its variations. Nothing like putting a brother on the spot! I believe this one causes somewhere between 1-2 years off a man's life so cut us a break on this one, if we didn't love you we wouldn't be putting up with you asking us these questions.
"Manhood removing tasks"
Ok ladies here is where some real cruelty comes into play. Sending your man out for feminine hygiene products is just downright mean! Every time you use the old "If you loved me you would go" to either make us run out for something stupid at a crazy hour or even worse to get tampons you shave up to 5 years off of our lives! I mean how often do we ask you to run out for manpons or something ok there isn't a manpon and if there was we would just improvise anyway instead of asking you to embarrass yourself buying it for us. I don't care how secure you are in your manhood even walking down that isle in the store causes minor loss of manlife this is a real epidemic here people!
As I mentioned above besides the hygiene product runs you have the old non pregnant cravings. I'll handle this one from a fitness point, eating late at night is very unhealthy since your body will not expend enough energy while sleeping to burn off what you put into it late at night so get a grip! Go munch on some fruit or a veggie!
One of my personal peeves, the old "Hold my purse", hold your own damn purse or leave it in the car! Men were never built to carry a purse it is unnatural, unhealthy, unacceptable, unbelievable and any other un words you can think of you brought it you carry it! Every minute a man "holds your purse" in public, children are scarred, families are torn apart, the ozone depletes AND you gain weight! So really it is for your own good to not have us hold your purse, unless you want to hurt kids, tear up families, ruin the ozone and gain weight and you don't right?
"Chick flicks"
Ok ladies I know you all get some morbid enjoyment making us watch some lovey dovey no nudity having, non violent movies but it kills just a piece of us each time. We love gore, violence and most assuredly nudity without any of this it better be a comedy, with a hot chick in it and nudity. We know you would like for us to enjoy this girly stuff but we are men and we aren't built that way, at least the majority of us aren't. Be honest and think about it, imagine your man all girly and remember that nasty thought every time you want to drag him to a chick flick instead of taking one of your girl friends.
"Feelings"
Ladies this one will be quick. We don't have any so don't bother asking us about our feelings. We deal with stuff the man way and that won't change. Imagine your man all sensitive and feeling and basically girly, be careful what you wish for or you could end up with a crier. Try that one out in public hehehe!
Ok men, hopefully my poor shaved off brain didn't forget any man killers and I really hope this helps to extend the lives of men. Bring on my Nobel Prize!
Ladies my goal here was strictly to enlighten and entertain and if I insulted anyone then let me say from my heart ............................ "Get a sense of humor you weirdo!"
For those that are still angry, no sense of humor having, militant type women you may flame me at INeverCheckThisEmail@mychanginglife.com.
About the Author-
Chuck Dougherty has been involved with physical fitness for over 24 years. He shares this information with others and is also the managing editor of the lifestyle site www.MyChangingLife.com. Here you can find tons of FREE information from Chuck and other authors on dieting, health, fitness, finance, home based business and much more!
This Article has been viewed 1,695 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
No comments yet.We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.